Where're My Pants?
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto learns some questions aren't worth the answers.


**Note: This story takes place before my story "Mutant Histeria".**

* * *

 **Where're My Pants?**

"Gahhh!" Magneto gasped as he stepped out of his private bathroom wearing only a towel. "That was the most disgusting thing I've ever felt in my life! When I get my hands on the maniacs who flooded my lab with a mixture of water, glue, iron oxide powder and methyl cellulose they are going to **die**! Die I tell you!"

Magneto angrily stomped over to his dresser while rubbing his ear. "That odious mass of slime completely ruined my latest enhanced gene sequencing experiment! Three weeks of work turned to goo! Why do these things happen to me? Every time I think my life is about to get better it ends up turning worse! All I want to do is establish mutant superiority in the world. Is that so much to ask? Is it? IS IT?"

Magneto grumbled as he began getting dressed. "At least I finally filtered all the glitter out of the base's water supply. How those lunatics managed to dump six hundred pounds of glitter into it I will never know." He sighed while putting a hand to his head. " _My life's an ordeal where wackiness never ends. The endless storm of madness rolls directly through my brain_. _No matter how I try, I can not stop the tide. The rolling seas of chaos are slowly driving me insane!_ "

Magneto sighed and threw open his closet. "What the?" He looked around in confusion. " _Where're my pants?_ _Where're the neat pairs of trousers I have worn?_ " He started digging through the closet. " _Where're my pants? They have left my bare legs feeling forlorn!_ "

Magneto began frantically tossing things out of the closet. " _Not a glance! My desire to be fully clad is quite stillborn! I can't appear foreboding with my undergarments showing and still claim to be genetically advanced!_ "

Magneto finished emptying his closet and began pulling at his hair. " _Without any understanding how this kind of thing can happen! Where're my pants? Where're my pants? Where're my pants?_ "

"Wheeeeee!" Happy shouts of laughter were heard through the walls.

"Arrrggghhh!" Magneto flew out of his room and began frenetically searching the base. " _Where're my pants? I am void of every pair that I possess!"_

 _"_ Yay! That was great! Let's do it again!" Pyro's cheers echoed down the hall.

"Okay!" Remy shouted after him. "Everybody lock and load!"

 _"_ _Where're my pants?_ " Magneto used his powers to tear apart the entire laundry room. " _I can't go around improperly undressed!_ "

"No fair! This one's torn! I want a new one!" Pyro whined.

"Don't worry, I'll fix it!" Remy said.

RIIIIIIPPP! RIIIIIIPPP!

"There! Now we're even!" Remy declared.

" _Nonchalance! There's no reason to get upset and stressed!_ " Magneto tried to stay calm while literally turning the infirmary inside out. " _Having headaches beyond measure along absurd high blood pressure calls for aspirin that's been enhanced!_ "

"Fire in the hole!" Piotr shouted.

"I told you they weren't fireproof!" Pyro laughed.

"They aren't chainsaw-proof either," Remy snickered.

" _I have no understanding how this kind of thing can happen! Where're my pants? Where're my pants? Where're my pants?_ " Magneto howled.

BOOM!

"Yay! I want the orange-striped one this time!" Pyro was heard yelling in the distance.

"I'll take some with purple polka dots!" Remy added.

"Okay, but I only painted four like that," Piotr replied. "This is Magneto's last pair."

"WHAT?" Magneto finally realized what the younger mutants were talking about. He began flying through the base in search of them. " _Where're my pants? You dumb fools better not have wrecked the seams!"_

"Help! Get me out of here!" Mastermind wailed.

"Don't worry Masty! They'll dissolve to pieces once the bleach is finished eating through them!" Pyro shouted.

" _Where're my pants?"_ Magneto twitched while searching like mad for his subordinates. " _Give them back or be crushed to smithereens!_ "

"Magneto has certainly let these pairs out a bit," Piotr was heard chuckling.

"I'll say!" Remy chortled. "You could fit a **walrus** in here!"

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed. " _As in France! I'll send each of you to the guillotines!_ "

"Target sighted! Fire at will!" Remy yelled.

"NOT THE ZIPPERS! AAAIIIEEEEEE!" Mastermind shrieked.

" _Your fool minds are so disordered! I'll have you all hanged, drawn and quartered! You require sanity transplants!_ " Magneto's eyes blazed in fury.

"Shaving cream in the back pockets!" Piotr called out.

"GAAAHHH! GET ME DOWN! NOOOOOOOOO!" Mastermind screamed.

" _Void of all understanding how this kind of thing can happen! Where're my pants? Where're my pants? Where're my pants?_ " Magneto howled.

"I love it when they go poof!" Pyro's maniacal laughter rang from a nearby storage room. "Next time let's use Mags' socks and underwear!"

"YOU CHAOS-HAPPY LUNATICS!" Magneto prepared to storm the room. "GIVE ME BACK MY…AAAGGGHHHHHH!" He was cut off as several shredded pairs of pants hit him in the face.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

"Uh oh," Pyro was heard gulping. "Busted!"

"YAAAGGGHHH! GET IT OFF ME! I CAN'T SEE!" Magneto yelped before blindly flying into a wall.

CRASH!

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned sinking to the floor.

"That's one way to blind hem," Remy quipped as he, Pyro and Piotr ran off laughing.

"Maybe I should try wearing shorts," Magneto groaned.

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Shall We Dance".**


End file.
